Ramblings from a Fool

Out of the Box Thinking

Brother: It would be nice if all poor people had Internet.

Me: Why?

Brother: So they can pretend it’s their Birthday and sign up for free bday stuff.

1:41 A.M.

A warm sense of calm sets over me. It’s 1:41 A.M. I have an essay due today, a midterm Friday and another midterm Monday.  But it’s ok. My friends are here. I like my new friends.  This is an irrelevant post. I will do my essay eventually. I love the night. I have no semblance of sleepiness. College is great.

Adding on to the last post, I think the reason I am in a general state of discontentment is the slow but profound realization of how insignificant life really is. Sure, there’s your family and friends who cherish your existence but in the grand scheme of things one life in almost 7 billion is largely worthless. Only adding to my frustration is the complexity of mankind and how little I know about the world and beyond.  I am constantly amazed at how far the human race has come but also enervated at how far it has to go.  How is it that a country like America, founded on the belief that every citizen has the right to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” does not allow its people to marry whomever they love? Or that America thrives on excess (food, clothes, mind numbing reality shows) while much of Africa languishes in poverty? Part of the reason I chose Economics as my major was to figure out why such stark discrepancies exist and how to ameliorate the situation.

I need to have a nice philosophical discussion with someone about this like the ones I had in high school with some very special people but until that time comes, I guess I will churn out this English essay right quick.

For the past few months, more so since college started, I have felt this lack of satisfaction in my life. I don’t know how to explain it, but I just want more. I am happy for the most part but there are those moments where I feel a void in my life that cannot be filled. It is in vastly different aspects of life that I feel dissatisfied ranging from my social life to academics. I have met some amazing people in college but for some reason, it’s just not enough. I want to get fitter and faster and get better at various sports. I want to be a better son and brother. I want to excel academically. I want to learn random things no one else knows just because I love trivia (Lesotho is a landlocked country in South Africa, February is Black history month, the area code of Antarctica is 672 etc, etc.)

The problem is, I lack the effort and tenacity to achieve these lofty goals and until then, I will remain in this discontented state of mind.

Inception?

Thoughts at the Dining Commons:

What if someone was watching me savagely eating my salad thinking what a savage eater just as I was thinking what if there’s someone watching me savagely eating a salad thinking “What a savage eater.”

and

The time I dreamt I shouldn’t watch scary movies because it would lead to scary dreams.

Just wrote a letter of gratitude to my parents. I wonder if I should let them read it in my presence or have them read it right when they come back from dropping me off to college. The latter option will make it much more dramatic but I won’t get to see their reactions.
Hmmm…

I’ve decided my future girlfriend (whatever race she may be) will first meet my parents for dinner and she will be served a traditional home made Indian meal. If she does not like it, we’re gonna have some problems.

Reminiscing

It’s 1:37 am and I have successfully gone through all 400 of my photos on Facebook (not much else to do at this hour with a crippling back injury). As I progressed backwards through the years and read all the hilarious comments my friends posted I realized that, shit, I got a good thing going here.  College is a new chapter that I am anxiously awaiting, but amidst all the talk of how Cupertino is a boring town and Monta Vista is brutal, these past 4 years have actually been fantastic. All the people I’ve met thus far have influenced me in some shape or form, and helped me become the person I am today. I still have over 3 weeks left till college but this already seems like goodbye…

It’s been a good run.